At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
