Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad

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(207): View more from Maine

they said they heard you say put it in my butt

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

you found the shrooms didnt you

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(303): View more from Colorado

We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...

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(701): View more from North Dakota

We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.

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(519): View more from Ontario

I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover

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