Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Drunk is a universal language darling
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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