tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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