I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize