Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
