So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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