how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
