how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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