There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
