thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize