Who wears a wallet chain?!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
