I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
