try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize