It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize