I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
