How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
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