Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
