Please, let me fuck your mom
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
