Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
