Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
