you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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