3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I think I am morally bankrupt
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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