Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
that's an acceptable place to lick
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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