My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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