I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
