I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
