I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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