If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
