Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize