He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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