just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
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