I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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