I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
how does that bad decision feel?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
