The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
