I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
