They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
