We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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