Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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