Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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