He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
