Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
