I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
