I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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