I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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