with your own penis?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
All the doctor said was why
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
