It's like God shit irony all over that family
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
