alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
