Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
