I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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