What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
