We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
