I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
