Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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