party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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