i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
