he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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