in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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