I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
