I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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