Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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