Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
