last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
