so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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