just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
