OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
