Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
